On a humid Caribbean evening, Her Glory slowly drifted into Smuggler’s Bay. I acted as captain aboard the galleon to a crew of three strangers I only met moments ago. They were a rowdy bunch—full of spirit and lust for adventure. As we breathed the thick air, we could smell a night full of treasure.
Another quiet galleon was anchored in the bay, and we approached with caution. In the world of Sea of Thieves, one can never truly predict how another crew will react to the sight of an approaching vessel. We held our breath as soon we were in firing range. Then, suddenly, a voice came from across the water:
“Are you friend or foe?”
We paused, unsure of how to answer. With a fresh crew, I’m never sure which way the wind will blow. I’m almost always in favor of attacking any and all rival crews. ‘Tis the pirate way. If there be treasure aboard, or even the potential of treasure, then why not pursue it?
But not all who sail these seas are privy to such conquest. Some prefer forming alliances; dividing up total treasure hauls between crews. While I see the benefit of such an arrangement, I do not care to share my bounty with anyone but me own crew. And so, I readied the cannons on Her Glory and aimed them at the ship across the bay. I waited to see what was on the mind of my crew before firing. My first mate, a man by the name of Alpine26, unexpectedly called out to the other ship:
“Want to form an alliance?”
Total silence. The creaking of the ship’s wood echoed around us. The other ship had its lanterns extinguished, making it difficult to see what was happening on deck.
“I’m going over there,” Alpine26 said. He readied some supplies for safety’s sake. He loaded his blunderbuss and stocked up on bananas. Before jumping into the purple sea, he turned to us:
“Raise the alliance flag,” he commanded. This irritated me as I was the designated captain, and this was my own ship. How dare the first mate go over my head! I was planning my next move, but stayed calm on the outside to avoid tipping my hand.
Fortunately, the rest of the crew stayed loyal to their captain. As Alpine26 leaped overboard to swim across the bay, none of us on Her Glory moved an inch. No one climbed the rigging to raise the alliance flag. Instead, we all loaded the cannons and took aim.
We could hear Alpine26 communicating with the other crew from across the water.
“Are you friend or foe?!” the rival captain asked again, with more urgency.
“Friend! We’re friendly!” Alpine26 cried out.
The other crew allowed him to board their ship without trouble. Meanwhile, on Her Glory, we waited for the right moment to strike. I didn’t want to fire first. I’ll admit, I was nervous. Even though my shipmates had aimed their guns at the other ship, I was unsure whether this was an act of concern for Alpine’s safety or if they were as ruthless and bloodthirsty as myself. I decided to wait it out; if they fired first, I’d join in and support them—but if they did not, I would consider going through with the alliance.
“Want to form an alliance?” Alpine26 asked again.
“Sure. How do we do it?” the inexperienced rival captain asked.
“You gotta raise the alliance acceptance flag—”
BOOM! Before Alpline26 could finish his reply, one of my loyal crew fired the first shot. CRASH! The ball plowed through the rival ship’s side in an explosion of splintering wood.
It was time. I immediately joined in, firing and reloading alongside my shipmates. Every shot was landing; the enemy ship was barraged with cannon fire.
“I’M SORRY!” Alpine26 cried out, in fear of his life. It took the rival crew a moment to respond—we had caught them unprepared. Thinking this was part of Alpine’s plan all along, a sword fight broke out aboard the ship between their captain and Alpine26.
“No, please! I didn’t tell them to do this!” Alpine shouted.
“Yeah right,” the captain stated.
“Let’s bury them men! Send them to Davy Jones!” I cried to my crew. The men obeyed and resumed the onslaught.
“No. NO! Fuck!” I heard Alpine26 shout as his soul was ripped from his mortal flesh. The rival crew executed him on the deck of their ship. This worked to our advantage as they had been too distracted to fix the holes in their hull. By the time they got to repairing, it was too late.
The ship moaned and groaned as the sea began to swallow it.
“Fucking losers,” the other captain stated as he realized his ship was going down. We could see the rival crew swimming through the water towards Her Glory—prepared to launch an assault on my ship. I positioned myself at the side of the ship with my blunderbuss pointed at the ready.
The moment I saw a head appear as they climbed the ladder to board, I squeezed the trigger. BAM! One down, three to go. The rest of them boarded successfully from the opposite side of the ship. Chaos erupted on deck. Alpine26 had just respawned aboard Her Glory.
“Guys, stop!” he yelled.
“AVAST!” I screamed as I plunged my cutlass into one of the enemy crew. He fell dead on the deck. Only two left alive now.
“We didn’t even have any treasure on our ship, assholes,” one of the rival crew stated.
Our crew spoke not a word as we finished the job. A few more shots rang out in the night before the enemy crew was gone for good.
“Let’s go below for a celebratory drink, lads!” I proclaimed. We all went below deck and filled our tankards to the brim with the finest grog. The three of us who had launched the assault drank liberally, while Alpine26 watched in disgust.
“Next time, let me form the alliance. We can rank up quicker that way,” he said.
That was the last straw. I opened my Xbox hub to send my loyal crew a private text message: Vote him into the brig.
Just as Alpine began to lecture us…SLAM! We all voted him into the brig.
From there, we proceeded to get properly drunk off the grog. We then surrounded the brig as we knocked our drinks back, playing shanties on our instruments and only stopping to projectile vomit all over Alpine. Another satisfying end to a fulfilling voyage.
More chapters in this captain’s log coming soon. Stay tuned.
– Captain Piddle and Toot –
The Couch Bandits 